October 15th, today is the day when the world recognizes the loss of infants and babies to death, too soon (“pregnancy and infant loss awareness day”). Of course as mothers, we recognize that loss every day. I am one of those as I know many very close to me are as well. If you have had a miscarriage, a still born baby, or a baby that only had a short moment on this earth, let me tell you, you are not alone! You are not alone and they are not alone. God is holding you and your babies in His arms, in the grip of His grace and He won’t let go. I have the hope that I will see my baby again because I have hope in a God who has promised me I will.
“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.”
I am sorry for your loss, pain, and for many of you empty arms, but if there is any smidgen of hope to be had, put it in the Creator who hasn’t forgotten or overlooked you or your baby, knowing you will be reunited once again, with your faith in Him. You are and always will be a mother whether you miscarried a child 6 weeks along or 6 days old. I do believe life begins at conception!
“….and to think, the first thing he saw when his little eyes opened was the face of Jesus.“- Author unknown
At the beginning of April, we had the loss of our third child due to a miscarriage. I was just around 8 weeks so the news of the pregnancy was still new and fresh. Word had trickled out already of the exciting new arrival. I have been receiving words of congratulations and inquiry of the due date even up to today. People have looked at my stomach, confused as to why they haven’t seen quite a bump yet or due to the wonderful pooch I currently have, they say comments of admiration of the pregnancy belly when it is really just the fat.;)
Through all of these congratulations and awkward stomach admiration I try to quickly save as much “face” for them as for myself and I tell them that I am no longer pregnant and have had a miscarriage. There are some times where I am completely fine and I try to make the other person not feel awkward about the moment. More often than not, in the circumstance, I want to run, hide, and have someone else explain to them what has happened.
Today, while at church, a woman came up to me and looked at my stomach with question in her eyes. I explained quickly, before anything was said, that I had a miscarriage. She looked at me with sympathy beyond measure and explained how sorry she was and accompanied it with a gentle hug. Those words and that hug spoke volumes to me because this particular woman had just lost her son to suicide a few months a go and here she was comforting me on a loss of a child. Wow, strength in the midst of weakness and the power of connection between friends! What comfort that moment brought me when I was just choking back tears because I just had to explain the loss moments a go with someone else.
I was thanking the Lord for that moment we shared though it was brief. As we sat down in church we had some friends come up to us and sit on either side of us and then we turned and another couple decided to sit behind us. We were surrounded by our friends. It happened immediately and none of it was planned by any earthly measures. Funny we actually all attend different services and never sit together. We proceeded to sing a song, “How Great is our God” by Chris Tomlin. Sitting there, thinking about the woman I had seen a moment a go, looking at our friends surrounding us on all sides, and singing one of my favorite reminders of how great our God is brought me to tears. In the midst of the heartache of loss, God wrapped his arms around me and there I found comfort in His arms. Here He is, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and He still finds those times to let me know, little me, He is there and He is in control. Where do you find your comfort? Look for those moments and let them be a treasure to you!
My daughter went flower picking in the backyard today. It’s the little things. ❤